The Commandments of Lace Knitting

Deprived of my Secret wedding sock for the night, and momentarily bored with sock knitting, I picked up a not forgotten but long neglected ball out of my stash. I had fallen in love with this lone ball of Whisper in the clearance bin, and was assured that it would likely be enough for a lacy scarf, my first attempt at lace knitting. Branching Out from Knitty seemed like a reasonable first lace attempt. Challenging, but not insanely so.

I had cast on a while back, but encountered serious problems. After receiving two minutes of free knitting advice from the yarn store's knit doctor, I hadn't been able to bring myself to try again. The yarn is half mohair, and loosely spun, so I knew that frogging would be annoying, and the yarn wouldn't allow too many more mistakes.

Last night, I cast on again. A couple little errors, like a missing stitch on one side, until I finally figured out what I was doing wrong. (I think. Famous last words.) I finished one repeat, and stopped for the night.

However, after an incident or two, I feel the need to identify the Commandments of Lace Knitting, for all the non-knitters out there, my sweetie in particular.

1. If you see me working on this. . . . do not under any circumstances startle me. The needles are slick, the yarn doesn't stick, and if you cause me to drop a stitch I will take it out of your flesh.

2. Do not move the directions on my lace in progress, and especially do not touch the postie note on the chart.

3. The little green piece of paper tells me where I am in the pattern. This is not trash.

4. Be very careful whenever in the vicinity of my lace in progress. (See #1 above regarding the slickness/stickiness issue.) Do not push it aside, remove it from the table or chair, in fact, don't even touch it at all. And I think avoiding spilling Mountain Dew on it goes without saying.

5. Offer words of consolation and comfort if I am forced to recount my stitches and refer to my chart 3 times or more on the same row. A foot massage may be necessary if you see me ripping out stitches.

6. Do not, under any circumstances, remind me that I can buy a scarf for less than $10 at Walmart, or ask why I knit. It is a process, and if I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand.


Please note that violation of any one of these commandments at any time the lace is actively in progress will result in numerous fingerprints all over the chrome you just spent hours polishing. Unusually egregious violations may also involve grease, oil, and water drops on said chrome.

Signed, the knitter you live with and love anyway. . . .

Today, it is all about the lace.